Here's the thing, I get pain. Lots of pain. Stupid, dumb, can't be fixed pain. I may have alluded to this before, but I don't think that I have put it in plain writing. I don't usually let myself near a keyboard when I'm going through a rough patch; it's kind of like trying not to call people when you're drunk! But I am starting to realise, you can't just leave the bad stuff out. Part of why we are, as a society, so useless at dealing with our collective and individual problems is because we never talk about them. We're all so hell bent on making our lives be, or at the very least, seem idyllic that we never tell others that actually, "the sh*t hit the fan." How are we supposed to learn how to deal with the curlies life throws at us, if we haven't watched or listened to others' experiences with their own challenges? I'm not saying you should enter into an hour long snivelling confessional with the next phone salesman that calls (ha!), I'm just saying, it's ok to say to say - to someone other than your Mum, partner or bestest friend - "life's a bit challenging at the moment actually."
We all have our teachers in life, each and every one of us has different teachers, but that doesn't mean that we can't learn from each others. Here's (one of) mine:
I live with this thing called fibromyalgia."Live with" is a good phrase because just like a housemate, mostly it's there but sometimes goes away for a bit. If it does go away, you can be pretty sure it's going to come back. Like a sub-par housemate, it's mostly annoying / frustrating but you figure out a way to deal with it; sometimes it's just a plain bitch! Ha. I could go on with the analogy, I'm having fun with this; but I'll spare you.
This week FMS (fibromyalgia syndrome) forced me to stop working for "an indefinite period of time". My pain levels recently escalated, for no apparent reason and I couldn't get through a day at work (and I was only doing 2 a week) without significant compromise; either to my work or my health. I had been doing so well, I just didn't see this one coming. I was desperate for there to be something else going on, something that was treatable: a virus, hormonal causes, vitamin deficiency, anything that could be fixed. But my GP patted my hand, looked me in the eye and just said "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." And that was it, I had to give away a job that I love.
So there you go, I'm not sure what happens from here. I do believe that it will work out for the best, in whatever shape or form. It always does. I just hope the interim isn't too sucky!
nb: pretty pictures from my Urban Flower Farm, I am so proud of my midnight scabiosas. What comfort each little poppet brings :-)
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