I have moved.

I am over on my lovely NEW WEBSITE.
Please join me at:
http://www.lindseymyra.com/

From the garden

last week...

Telling it like it is

Here's the thing, I get pain. Lots of pain. Stupid, dumb, can't be fixed pain. I may have alluded to this before, but I don't think that I have put it in plain writing. I don't usually let myself near a keyboard when I'm going through a rough patch; it's kind of like trying not to call people when you're drunk! But I am starting to realise, you can't just leave the bad stuff out. Part of why we are, as a society, so useless at dealing with our collective and individual problems is because we never talk about them. We're all so hell bent on making our lives be, or at the very least, seem idyllic that we never tell others that actually, "the sh*t hit the fan." How are we supposed to learn how to deal with the curlies life throws at us, if we haven't watched or listened to others' experiences with their own challenges? I'm not saying you should enter into an hour long snivelling confessional with the next phone salesman that calls (ha!), I'm just saying, it's ok to say to say - to someone other than your Mum, partner or bestest friend - "life's a bit challenging at the moment actually." 

We all have our teachers in life, each and every one of us has different teachers, but that doesn't mean that we can't learn from each others. Here's (one of) mine:

I live with this thing called fibromyalgia."Live with" is a good phrase because just like a housemate, mostly it's there but sometimes goes away for a bit. If it does go away, you can be pretty sure it's going to come back. Like a sub-par housemate, it's mostly annoying / frustrating but you figure out a way to deal with it; sometimes it's just a plain bitch! Ha. I could go on with the analogy, I'm having fun with this; but I'll spare you.

This week FMS (fibromyalgia syndrome) forced me to stop working for "an indefinite period of time". My pain levels recently escalated, for no apparent reason and I couldn't get through a day at work (and I was only doing 2 a week) without significant compromise; either to my work or my  health. I had been doing so well, I just didn't see this one coming. I was desperate for there to be something else going on, something that was treatable: a virus, hormonal causes, vitamin deficiency, anything that could be fixed. But my GP patted my hand, looked me in the eye and just said "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." And that was it, I had to give away a job that I love.

So there you go, I'm not sure what happens from here. I do believe that it will work out for the best, in whatever shape or form. It always does. I just hope the interim isn't too sucky!

nb: pretty pictures from my Urban Flower Farm, I am so proud of my midnight scabiosas. What comfort each little poppet brings :-)

The end of 2012 looked like this:

I'm not a big party animal generally, even less so when it comes to New Year's. I'm more of the opinion that we should welcome in the new year, in the way we would like it to continue and do something that you love. So no surprises here, I stayed home and played in the garden :-)

I pulled out heaps of things that had gone to seed and grinned at the lovely metaphorical aptness of my actions. Then I set about to make an arrangement from the bounty of my garden. Et voila. My intention was to gift it to the neighbours but then they all disappeared inside and as I had consumed a few G&T's during the process, I deemed myself too tipsy to walk around to their front door. Ha!

Notes from the festive season

Eeek! How did we get here already? It's been 2 months since I last wrote? How ridiculous! It's not like I haven't had things to say, either. In fact, just between you and me, my dears, I quite often write to you in my head. If only all the blog posts I write in my head actually got onto the virtual page!

Oh well, not to worry, or one could turn something enjoyable into a chore and we don't want to do that now do we Lindsey? Hehe...

Enough about what hasn't happened, onto what has:

There was Christmas, obviously. For me, Christmas this year involved a carnival and an unexpected guest. My mother, in her ever enthusiastic and slightly child-like manner decided that this year we should have a Carnivale themed Christmas. Extreme use of colour, costumes and party hats were called for and Mum declared her intention to make a 50m paper chain with which to decorate the entire living / dining area! I am proud to announce that she succeeded too, with a little help from my sister. The linking span was installed Christmas night, after the lunch and the presents and the festivities, Mum wasn't going to leave that 3m un-festooned, even if it was a bit late :-) My contributions were the garishly bright table setting, complete with an outrageous, dahlia sporting, arrangement and a giant wreath of paper tassels. All in all, everything looked quite jolly (in a non-green and red kind of way).

And so, onto the unexpected guest ... a day earlier, my sister and I drove to Bendigo to celebrate Christmas with my dad's family. It was there, that for the first time ever, we met our Grandfather! What? How? You say. No need to go into details, really, it's just one of those silly family stories of estrangement that you hear of. It wasn't a big deal, we just didn't know our paternal grandfather and never expected any different. But I am really happy to say that things changed, for whatever reason, and as a result (without pre-warning!) we met Arthur. Now I know where my nose and that slightly deviant family sense of humor comes from. But what really tickled me, was that Arthur (from now on to be called Pop) is a gardener! I think he was quite taken with the homegrown flowers that I had taken up to my Aunts'. "Larkspur" he said, "I haven't seen larkspur in years." And "These poppies are just like poppies used to be." That made me happy. Here was me thinking that I had come from a family practically void of any gardening talent. In fact, until a couple of months ago, I wouldn't even have considered myself a gardener! 

Families are funny things.

The Urban Flower Farm goes to market.

After all the change ups that 2012 has presented, I got to the point where I thought to myself: "If I just do one little market and sell 3 bunches of my special flowers, I'll be happy".

So, I guess we can consider me happy now!

At the last minute, I got the go ahead to have a stall at Sprout Community Market. So we rustled up some bunches and with the help of an enthusiastic friend, found some props, made some signs and tagged up some of my crafts and off we went.

It was a lovely evening and I sold out of flowers (yay!). Nearly all of them went to one eager friend and supporter; I am so very lucky to have these people in my life ... you know who you are :-)

Got lots of good feedback, learnt a lot, we're on the way. 

One little step at the time!

Growing

We are growing.

The Urban Flower Farm is starting to become something other than a dream.

Flowers are popping up all over the place and this week, I will pick some bunches to sell.

Looking around today, I have the most immense sense of peace.

I am so goddamn lucky.

And you know what, I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere. Me, not my plants or my "career" (ah by the way, I don't really have one) or my wardrobe or my financial status ... Me.

This morning my sister and I met with old school friends (also sisters). Over breakfast we all laughed hysterically at how far removed our dreams and lives are from the crazy expectations we had during our teens. As school kids all of us were driven, talented and I hate to say it but we were, whether we like it or not, all "high achievers". I thinks it's fair to say that we have all spent our twenties pulling apart the driven and "high achieving" parts of ourselves; realising somewhere along the way that actually maybe that wasn't "us" per se, it was merely a reaction to our environment. And what's left after all that hard slog is four talented women ... who are happy. 

We joked about how my - recently Olympic medal winning - sister should tell our fellow schoolgirls in her address to them this evening, that yesterday she had to empty her piggy bank in order to go get food from the market and no, she doesn't have a job at the moment and actually she's not entirely sure what she's going to do... 

I felt really proud of us all :-)

And I felt proud of me, I've figured a lot of stuff out this decade. I reckon I'm on to a good thing, just for now, I feel like I've got it sussed.

I came home to this (from Erin at Floret) and it just reinforced that feeling.

 ... worth bookmarking for when you start to doubt!

What if money didn't matter? This question keeps me real.

This Watts guy's voice reminds me a lot of Anthony de Mello ... another wise dude worth listening to:



During my yogi days I spent many hours listening to the truth this man speaks.
Hearing his voice again today makes me realise how far I have come.
It also makes me sad, there go some quiet tears for the people who aren't around to see it.

Bounty

I was planning on being really effusive and enthusiastic. To tell you all about our big weekend at the farm, when we opened Mum's garden to the public and got blown out of the water by all the people who came along! 

But it's thursday, I am still in recovery and I've got a headache that feels like a slimy giant is trying to crush my skull and rip my scalp off all at the same time; so I'm not.

Instead here are some pretty pictures of an arrangement I made to decorate the "tea and cake space" over the weekend.

Will write again when I am feeling all expansive and full of love again.

Been fascinating!

Been doing bits and pieces, this was this morning. 

Got up at 6 - sweet, made botanical addition for fascinator - done - and then attached it - hey, I'm not a milliner - damn - fiddle-sticks.

By half 9 we were in Lygon street, with coffee, doing the sisterly hand over. Great! Now, time to go shopping ...

A blue witch

I like to think that in a past life, I was a witch. The herbal healing, mothering and making, community elder type of witch. I have all these elements within me now, it's just that these days peeps like me don't get a cool name and we don't get the cred. But that's cool, 'cos we also don't get burned at the stake for making poultices!

This little guy has come to live with me.

As has a new camera, yippee! We're still getting to know each other; I think it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

My grandmother once told me that it is considered very ill luck to let a Solomon's Seal plant die. After the death of her mother, Nana transplanted the Solomon's Seal from her mother's garden to her own and thought little of this poignant superstitious ritual. The plant gets it's name from Hebrew Lore, it is thought that once granted great wisdom by God, King Solomon saw the value of the plant and placed his mark (the seal of Solomon, more commonly known as the Star of David) upon it. Apparently the scar left on the rhizome after each year's flower resembles that same seal. The plant has long been considered effective in helping to seal wounds and knit bones.

Columbines, Ladies' bonnets, Aquilegias: these dainty little poppets have been cottage garden favorites for centuries. Literally, there is documentation of their use in gardens back in 1580! One of their names is obvious: they do look like little bonnets. The name Columbine is thought to come from the Latin columba, meaning a dove or pigeon. Look below, can't you see little clusters of doves flying? What I learnt recently, from a fantastic novel (The Lady and the Unicorn by Tracy Chevalier) is that representations of aquilegias were used in the Middle Ages to signify the Holy Trinity. This is because, everything on an aquilegia comes in threes. The leaves are triple lobed, placed in clusters of three and the buds flower in sets of three. So there you are. Now what do you see?

Just too gorgeous

Little worlds get rocked too.

Funny (not haha) how only a day or two after my last little rant about keeping my world small but happy, something from "the outside" rocks it. If you're a Melbourne reader, then you know what I am talking about. If your not, well then, you don't need details, you just need to know that sadly, sometimes people do bad things.
I'm really good at avoiding all those disturbing stories from the big bad world and I'm happy with that. One day I might get tough and strong enough that I can handle them but for now, conscious avoidance is the game and, mostly, it works.
Not now, my little world is shaking.
The sky outside is grey and sad.
My playlist draws the picture perfectly.

Bright Eyes  "Poison Oak".

Karen O  "Worried Shoes".

Edith Piaf  "Mon dieu".

Ingrid Michaelson  "Keep Breathing".

Ben Harper  "Another lonely day".

Kate Miller-Heidke  "Last day on earth."

And Difranco  "Studying Stones".

Johnny Cash  "I see a darkness".


ps. the writer promises to attempt a jolly post soon
xL

My New Yoga

I am slowly starting to realise that flower farming is my new yoga.
It is actually a very long time since I have practised physical yoga and for an equally long time, I have been mortally ashamed of this fact. So ashamed that to even think about my old practice and the dedication I had, made me cry. How un-yogic is that?
At the same time, I know that I practise yoga each and everyday. I try to be present and aware, I try to watch my thoughts and keep good company. Basically, I try to be happy... as much as I can. The concept of "good company" is a great one to live by (in my and Buddha's humble opinions). It is based on a Vedic philosophy which arises from the Sanskrit word "satsang" which means: in the company of the highest truth. This can mean "go hang out with a guru" or  "eat healthy food" or "don't watch crappy TV". It's an all-encompassing concept, which to me has basically come to mean: only surround yourself with good (positive) things and search out that which makes you a better person.
So I try not to watch rubbish TV or indeed, the news, because when I watch it I get upset. I try to eat well, I try to stay healthy and I choose to have lovely, caring, positive and inspiring people around me. I don't cross The River, because it makes me judge myself too much and I try to get outside as much as I can because my mind just seems to still when faced with Nature.
Now, I am going to put in another pretty picture because this is all getting a bit heavy.

The other day, I woke up sad. It just happens sometimes. I put sugar in my coffee (first ever) and cried along to Kev Carmody in the car, but still just felt bummed. So when I got home, I said to myself "What can you do that will make you happy?"
The answer was play with flowers.
I wandered slowly around Mum's magical garden, taking it all in and snipping little pretties along the way. I got out my favorite vases, made a cup of tea, put on some female indie folk singer (apparently, that's all I listen to?!) and made arrangements. Just because I can.
And I felt better.
To me, this is yoga, this is satsang in action.
Time for another one of these:

So here is my point, all those things I try to create in my life, the better me that I try to be; it all happens naturally and easefully when I am working in the garden. And so, I'm going to keep at it,  I haven't managed a proper crop yet but as I am reminded daily ... these things take time.
These things take time.

Singing along to this.
Ah, so this post totally took a wrong turn at some point?! Was going to tell you how working with farm machinery mechanics is totally like dealing with transport officials in India; oh well.
Publish.

Today is good.

Today is good. I have been a very blessed little lady of late and today was a reminder of that. When you're exhausted from driving between your cottage in the mountains and the big smoke, tired of living out of your car boot and nearly in tears because it's too wet to rotavate and it needs to happen yesterday; it's easy to forget. This week, for the first time since I decided to work on developing The Urban Flower Farm, I thought "Why am I doing this to myself? I should just give up." It was just a brief thought, it didn't last long but it happened. Then the good old family determination (or stubbornness, it's all in the way you look at it) kicked in. I will make this work! And who really needs it all to happen yesterday, my dear? The flowers? Or maybe it's you ...?

Ahh.

Tou-shay, LB, tou-shay.

However, today, things happened.
New friends came to the urban plot. We drank tea and ate cake, we mixed poo and soil. We planted out all the lil seedlings and then, all of a sudden, it was possible; it was happening. In celebration, we tested all of the home-made spirits :-)
The funny thing is, earlier in the day I had nearly called a rain-check on it. The judgement imps were raising their pointy little heads and their raucous voices. "The place is in a mess."
"I haven't had time to bake." "My little project is at a standstill." "They're going to think I'm a lost cause" "It looks unprofessional..." "They're going to realise that I am not Superwoman, I'm not perfect and then they might tell the rest of the world and ... etc. etc."
I sat it out, I busied my itching fingers as they kept stretching for the phone and I'm so glad that I did; what a wonderful afternoon I would have missed out on! How silly those little imps look now.

Listening to this with a warm belly and a smile on my face.

Oh the light!

I couldn't help myself, went snap crazy on these little guys.

Oh the pain, too much beauty... too much

Posting some joy