Just too gorgeous

Little worlds get rocked too.

Funny (not haha) how only a day or two after my last little rant about keeping my world small but happy, something from "the outside" rocks it. If you're a Melbourne reader, then you know what I am talking about. If your not, well then, you don't need details, you just need to know that sadly, sometimes people do bad things.
I'm really good at avoiding all those disturbing stories from the big bad world and I'm happy with that. One day I might get tough and strong enough that I can handle them but for now, conscious avoidance is the game and, mostly, it works.
Not now, my little world is shaking.
The sky outside is grey and sad.
My playlist draws the picture perfectly.

Bright Eyes  "Poison Oak".

Karen O  "Worried Shoes".

Edith Piaf  "Mon dieu".

Ingrid Michaelson  "Keep Breathing".

Ben Harper  "Another lonely day".

Kate Miller-Heidke  "Last day on earth."

And Difranco  "Studying Stones".

Johnny Cash  "I see a darkness".


ps. the writer promises to attempt a jolly post soon
xL

My New Yoga

I am slowly starting to realise that flower farming is my new yoga.
It is actually a very long time since I have practised physical yoga and for an equally long time, I have been mortally ashamed of this fact. So ashamed that to even think about my old practice and the dedication I had, made me cry. How un-yogic is that?
At the same time, I know that I practise yoga each and everyday. I try to be present and aware, I try to watch my thoughts and keep good company. Basically, I try to be happy... as much as I can. The concept of "good company" is a great one to live by (in my and Buddha's humble opinions). It is based on a Vedic philosophy which arises from the Sanskrit word "satsang" which means: in the company of the highest truth. This can mean "go hang out with a guru" or  "eat healthy food" or "don't watch crappy TV". It's an all-encompassing concept, which to me has basically come to mean: only surround yourself with good (positive) things and search out that which makes you a better person.
So I try not to watch rubbish TV or indeed, the news, because when I watch it I get upset. I try to eat well, I try to stay healthy and I choose to have lovely, caring, positive and inspiring people around me. I don't cross The River, because it makes me judge myself too much and I try to get outside as much as I can because my mind just seems to still when faced with Nature.
Now, I am going to put in another pretty picture because this is all getting a bit heavy.

The other day, I woke up sad. It just happens sometimes. I put sugar in my coffee (first ever) and cried along to Kev Carmody in the car, but still just felt bummed. So when I got home, I said to myself "What can you do that will make you happy?"
The answer was play with flowers.
I wandered slowly around Mum's magical garden, taking it all in and snipping little pretties along the way. I got out my favorite vases, made a cup of tea, put on some female indie folk singer (apparently, that's all I listen to?!) and made arrangements. Just because I can.
And I felt better.
To me, this is yoga, this is satsang in action.
Time for another one of these:

So here is my point, all those things I try to create in my life, the better me that I try to be; it all happens naturally and easefully when I am working in the garden. And so, I'm going to keep at it,  I haven't managed a proper crop yet but as I am reminded daily ... these things take time.
These things take time.

Singing along to this.
Ah, so this post totally took a wrong turn at some point?! Was going to tell you how working with farm machinery mechanics is totally like dealing with transport officials in India; oh well.
Publish.

Today is good.

Today is good. I have been a very blessed little lady of late and today was a reminder of that. When you're exhausted from driving between your cottage in the mountains and the big smoke, tired of living out of your car boot and nearly in tears because it's too wet to rotavate and it needs to happen yesterday; it's easy to forget. This week, for the first time since I decided to work on developing The Urban Flower Farm, I thought "Why am I doing this to myself? I should just give up." It was just a brief thought, it didn't last long but it happened. Then the good old family determination (or stubbornness, it's all in the way you look at it) kicked in. I will make this work! And who really needs it all to happen yesterday, my dear? The flowers? Or maybe it's you ...?

Ahh.

Tou-shay, LB, tou-shay.

However, today, things happened.
New friends came to the urban plot. We drank tea and ate cake, we mixed poo and soil. We planted out all the lil seedlings and then, all of a sudden, it was possible; it was happening. In celebration, we tested all of the home-made spirits :-)
The funny thing is, earlier in the day I had nearly called a rain-check on it. The judgement imps were raising their pointy little heads and their raucous voices. "The place is in a mess."
"I haven't had time to bake." "My little project is at a standstill." "They're going to think I'm a lost cause" "It looks unprofessional..." "They're going to realise that I am not Superwoman, I'm not perfect and then they might tell the rest of the world and ... etc. etc."
I sat it out, I busied my itching fingers as they kept stretching for the phone and I'm so glad that I did; what a wonderful afternoon I would have missed out on! How silly those little imps look now.

Listening to this with a warm belly and a smile on my face.

Oh the light!

I couldn't help myself, went snap crazy on these little guys.

Oh the pain, too much beauty... too much

Posting some joy

Small steps

Small steps... I'm just not very good at them. Maybe I should have been a writer because my imagination whisks me away on a daily basis. I have an amazing talent to form a teeny tiny concept within this mind of mine and within a matter of hours convert it into an entire, life encompassing, minutely detailed reality that must happen; and happen now!
I suppose that I should be glad that I am a big picture person but at the same time, this means that I am not so good at seeing the wood for the trees as it were.
I am getting better, though. I just have to keep pulling myself up and saying "Hey, slow down a minute, breathe, now, one thing at a time." But man, it's hard.
Cos I want it and I want it now :-)
I want to have an amazingly overflowing, beauteous and bountiful organic garden. I want to make bouquets from it everyday. I want to work in the sun, surrounded by flowers. I want to share it all with my wonderful boyfriend and fantastic friends. I want to keep my great day job at the florist and live in the country at the same time. I want to create, to cook, to sew and to sing. To get this little business off the ground and rocking. And I believe (maybe somewhat misguidedly) that I can do it all; chronic pain condition included.
Hmmmm ?
So, I suppose, if it's going to happen; I'd better practice my small steps and get a bit better on the patience thing!
Oh and one more thing... why can't I grow chocolate cosmos from seed if I want to, dammit?

Life in the mountains

Life might be a bit of a struggle at the moment but it's hard not to appreciate the little things up here.

Keep breathing,

Look up

and Trust.